You know the one...it goes... “Where does a 500-pound gorilla snowboard? Nowhere!!! Gorillas don’t know how to snowboard!!!
    Hoooo hoooo hooo hooo hoooo...I’m funny when I’m in a good mood...and I’m in a good mood because I went on my first boardin’ trip this past week.
    I decided to try a resort that I hadn’t been to before (which shall remain nameless) and I’m afraid they weren’t quite sure what to make of me!
    I went up to the ticket window and plunked down a bunch of bananas on the counter - just as I always do to pay for my ticket.
    Then I heard a voice say, “where the heck did those come from?”
    I guess I should have expected that. I’m not quite tall enough to see through the little window where the ticket seller sits. And they certainly couldn’t see me!
    “Hello?” a voice called. I figured I’d better see what was going on so I put my hands up on the counter and pulled myself up just far enough to stare through the window.
    I was greeted with a “Eeeeek!!!!”...so I smiled. “Aaaahhhh!!!” ...okay, that didn’t go well...then the chants of the people behind me in line took over... “Louie...Louie...Louie...”
    The ticket seller was babbling by then, but in a stroke of genius - and with the chanting crowd behind me - I took off my sunglasses and was finally recognized by the befuddled employee!
    I got my lift ticket and was off to the slopes - that’s when the real trouble began!!!
    I got to an interesting looking lift and scooted out in front of the chair as it came around - whack! The chair hit me in the head and sent me tumbling head over heels. I forgot this wasn’t my favorite resort, the one that featured higher loading ramps for us short folks!
    Everyone started laughing at me which I didn’t like one bit! I stood back up and dusted the snow off my head and as the next chair went over me on its journey up the mountain, I reached up and grabbed the bottom of it. It carried me quickly upward and I began hooting loudly and swinging back and forth.
    The crowd went wild! “Louie...Louie...Louie,” they chanted again...I always know how to turn things around in my favor!!!
    The resort people weren’t too happy with me though. But before they could grab me at the top, I dropped off the lift and went riding away back down the mountain. It was great!
    I managed my little lift stunt a few more times before the resort’s patrol began closing in on me on the highest ridge on the mountain.
    I hooted at them a couple of times, waved, and flashed my famous Louie smile before taking off in the opposite direction for one final run down the mountain. Needless to say, I don’t think they’ll welcome me back anytime soon.
    That’s okay! I’ll stick to chimp-friendlier resorts from now on. But it certainly was a memorable first ride for the season!!!
    Be sure to check out my official movie site for MXP: Most Xtreme Primate. It’s at:  www.keypics.com/mxp.
    Also stop by the People And Chimps Together web site and find out about where I live and how you can help me and chimps like me have a better life. You can find it at: www.chimppact.org.
  News Flash! Watch for me on NBC’s The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. My appearance is tentatively scheduled for Dec. 12.